The scariest and most depressing thing that I’ve seen till now? When people’s desire to live succumbs to the pressures of circumstance. When they start accepting themselves as part of a certain category, a group, a type. When they lose their ability to fight, to question their ‘fate’.
I realise it was this that made me squirm in the face of norms. I didn’t know that then that tug in the stomach, that unnatural feeling like I didn’t belong stemmed from this inability to compromise with what’s ‘given’. I remember a friend (and the family often) once asking me the reason behind my inability to stick to one thing; specialisation and shit like that and wondered whether I was scared to accept that I can be a know-it-all in one compartment. But, I realise today its not that. It is fear but, fear to be run over by that kind of mentality, fear to become close minded and not be able to see and experience the expanse of the universe. Even as I write this, I feel sad, a pain in my chest for those who refuse to accept that they can change their ‘category’, their ‘type’.
Will I blame it on capitalism and form a shitty theory like that? I don’t think that I want to